Co-Parenting Holidays and Special Days Post-Divorce

Holidays, birthdays, and important family traditions take on a different emotional weight after divorce. These are the days our children will remember. These are the moments that shape their sense of belonging and family identity.

When parents are creating a parenting time schedule, it is important to remember one grounding truth: Children want meaningful time with both of their parents, especially on holidays and special occasions.

Holidays and Meaningful Family Traditions

Families celebrate many different holidays throughout the year, some secular, some religious, and some deeply cultural, and each carries its own emotional importance. Holiday memories are often tied to rituals, familiar smells in the kitchen, specific songs, the way the house felt, and who was there during those moments.

Instead of feeling limited to alternating holidays year to year, parents can explore flexible approaches. Starting the holiday conversations early can help reduce stress and avoid last-minute conflict. It gives everyone time to process, plan, and helps the children feel secure knowing what to expect.

Some families divide the day into two parts so each parent shares meaningful time. Others alternate the holiday each year and then carve out an additional day close to the holiday for the other parent to celebrate with the children. This could look like Easter Saturday instead of only Easter Sunday, the day after Christmas for a relaxed second gift opening, or the second night of Hanukkah even if the other parent has the first night. Some families choose to share particularly meaningful parts of a tradition together such as lighting the menorah on the first night of Hanukkah (or the last night), participating in a Passover Seder, morning gift opening on Christmas, or a special holiday breakfast tradition the children strongly associate with both parents.

There is no single right schedule. The guiding question becomes: What structure will preserve connection, belonging, and childhood joy?

Birthdays

A child’s birthday is not just a date on a calendar. It is a day when they want to feel celebrated and loved by both parents. Most children want time with each parent on their birthday. Even if it is for a short period of time, children often feel grounded and secure when both parents show up for the day that celebrates them.

Parents’ birthdays can hold meaning too. Children often want to spend part of that day with the parent whose birthday it is, even if it is brief. It is part of honoring a continued connection and maintaining a sense of normalcy. These moments reinforce for children that even though the family structure has changed, both parents still play a significant and loving role in their lives.

The Heart of It All

Divorce changes the structure of a family. It does not have to take away a child’s memories of holidays, celebrations, and traditions. When parents stay focused on the children and make decisions with their needs at the center, holidays and special dates can remain joyful and meaningful.

The first holiday season after divorce can feel new, tender, and emotionally overwhelming for parents as well. While the focus is always the children, it is also okay to acknowledge when this feels hard for you too. Being mindful, gentle, and flexible with yourself can support your own healing and also model emotional resilience for your children as they adjust to new traditions and new rhythms.

How Mediation Can Support You

In mediation, parents have the space and flexibility to design holiday schedules in a thoughtful and intentional way. We explore what matters most to the children, we look at how the family traditionally celebrated before divorce, and we work together to determine what parts of those traditions can still be preserved and shared. The goal is to help both parents create a parenting plan that feels balanced, emotionally protective, and centered on the children’s best interests.

Mediation allows parents to consider different scheduling options, talk through emotional triggers that often come up around holidays, and create custom solutions the courts cannot provide. This is where thoughtful planning leads to confident decisions and peaceful memories for children.